


Chamomile Tea

by yoshiyuki



Series: Dream No Dream [4]
Category: BUCK-TICK, Der Zibet (Band)
Genre: Domestic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25842799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoshiyuki/pseuds/yoshiyuki
Summary: A sleepless night and a temporary remedy.
Relationships: Issay (Der Zibet)/Sakurai Atsushi
Series: Dream No Dream [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893775
Comments: 21
Kudos: 21





	Chamomile Tea

Atsushi sat up with a sigh, carefully so as to not wake his wife who was asleep next to him. His stomach was hurting again. Every time he thought the pain was subsiding, it would return and wake him up just before he could succumb to sleep. Atsushi looked over to his wife and sighed again. If only sleep would come to him as easily as it came to her. It must be nice.

Quietly slipping out of bed, Atsushi took his phone with him and left the room, making as little noise as he could on the way. Normally, he would opt for a glass of alcohol to lull him to sleep but since his stomach was still feeling sensitive… he was going to have to settle for something else.

Atsushi ambled through the darkened corridor outside, eventually reaching the stairs. As he descended, he thought about what could help him sleep. Milk was one option, wasn’t it? Atsushi wrinkled his nose. That was probably a bad idea now, though.

Shuffling into the kitchen, Atsushi turned on the lights and, as if on cue, he heard a soft meow behind him. He couldn’t resist the urge to smile when he turned around and saw Maru standing there, looking up at him with that adorable expectant look on his face.

“Ah, ah.” Atsushi crouched down and picked up the hefty Scottish Fold with a grunt. “You’re awake too?” he asked Maru quietly. “And where’s your big sister?”

Maru simply replied with a soft meow and stretched in Atsushi’s arms. Not much of an answer, but Atsushi took it anyway. “I guess she’ll show up when she wants to, hm?”

Carrying Maru, Atsushi poured himself a glass of warm water and went to the living room to sit on the sofa. The TV was there, but he wasn’t in the mood for it. He looked down at the phone in his hand and turned on the screen. It was four past 2 a.m. Still pretty early. Well, it would be considered early if he was out drinking. But he wasn’t. Instead, he was stuck here. At home. Alone.

Atsushi sighed and looked down at Maru. Idly stroking his soft fur, Atsushi muttered, “At least I have you here with me, hm?”

Maru meowed again and started moving. Atsushi let him and watched as his cat stepped around, turned, and finally settled down to lean back and sit upright as a person would. Atsushi chuckled softly and put his arm around Maru, hugging him before quietly sinking back into his thoughts which dwelled on the one same thing these days; the postponed concerts.

By all logic, Atsushi knew that everyone would rather it be this way than to let him force himself. He, too, accepted that this was better for him but it still ate at him that he had let himself fall sick, that he had to take ill and cause all that trouble with rescheduling and whatnot. He didn’t recall being reckless, though. He did everything as per normal… Maybe age was catching up with him.

Atsushi could hear the quiet ticking of the wall clock in the background, breaking what would otherwise be utter silence in the house. It was a good thing to have; a mild distraction which kept him from getting engulfed by his mind. But constant and monotonous as it was, it almost stopped working. That is, until his phone buzzed, indicating a new message.

Atsushi blinked in surprise. A message? Who would message him at this time of the night? He raised his phone to eye level and looked at the screen.

_ ‘1 new message from Issay.’ _

Atsushi blinked again as his heart skipped a beat. This was unusual. But he couldn’t say that he wasn’t pleased to see Issay had sent him something. Although… What if something happened? Feeling apprehensive, Atsushi swallowed and opened the message.

_ ‘How are you?’ _

That’s it? Atsushi almost laughed aloud from relief. It looked like Issay was just checking in with him. Typing, he replied with ‘ _ Alright. Thank you for asking. _ ’ 

Almost immediately after Atsushi sent it, though, another message came in. ‘ _ You’re awake? Shouldn’t you be asleep? _ ’

Atsushi sighed to himself. It was true, but, ‘ _ Can’t sleep. _ ’

‘ _ May I call you? _ ’

Atsushi’s heart started pounding. A call? The prospect of it gave him a light buzz of excitement but at the same time, there was that familiar sense of nerves when it came to Issay. Oh, but, Issay was the one who asked, right? Atsushi wouldn’t be disturbing him, would he?

Subconsciously clenching his jaw, Atsushi typed, ‘ _ If it’s not too much of a bother to you. _ ’

Before Atsushi could even put his phone aside, though, it started buzzing incessantly. Issay was already calling him. As nervous as he was, all these butterflies in his stomach were making his body forget that he was supposed to be in pain. Perhaps this was a good thing.

Atsushi picked up the call. “Hello?”

“ _ Atsushi-kun _ .” 

Atsushi could practically hear the smile in Issay’s voice as his chest swelled with warmth. “Issay,” Atsushi greeted back almost breathlessly. He sorely missed this voice.

“ _ You sound well, Atsushi-kun, _ ” Issay remarked.

“I’ve seen better days,” Atsushi blurted before quickly adding, “but I’m feeling much better than… you know.” He cursed himself silently. He shouldn’t have said that. He didn’t want to make Issay worry.

“ _ I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you earlier, _ ” Issay responded apologetically.

Oh no. Atsushi’s heart sank. “No, it’s alright,” he quickly replied. “I’m mostly fine, anyway. I just needed to rest more.”

“ _ Ah, I would’ve disrupted your rest, after all, wouldn’t I? _ ” Issay chuckled.

“Ah, but…” Atsushi couldn’t help but feel chagrined. There was no winning Issay, was there? “It would’ve been nice…” he muttered softly as he hugged Maru tighter.

“ _ Are you at home? _ ”

“Um, yes,” Atsushi replied, slightly hesitantly. What was this about?

“ _ Would you like me to come over? _ ” Issay asked.

“Huh?” Atsushi was at a loss for words. The unexpected question had turned his mind blank.

“ _ Drinks ended early today, _ ” Issay went on nonchalantly. “ _ Wasn’t sure what I should do and then I thought of asking how you were doing, or if you wanted my company- _ ”

“Yes,” Atsushi suddenly managed to reply but he accidentally interrupted Issay in the process. “I mean… If it’s not too much of a bother-” 

Issay let out that pleasant signature laugh of his. “ _ Shall I bring you beer? _ ”

“Ah, no, the doctor says I shouldn’t yet-”

“ _ Ah, _ ” Issay clicked his tongue. “ _ I’m sorry it just slipped my mind. Maybe we’ll get beers next time, then. _ ”

“Maybe next time,” Atsushi agreed with a small smile. He always said that but almost every time they’d end up drinking something else.

“ _ Hm, what shall I bring then? _ ”

“Do you know of something which helps with sleep?” Atsushi asked.

“ _ Something which helps with sleep, but isn’t alcohol? _ ” Issay mused. “ _ Hm, difficult, but I think I’ve got just the thing. _ ”

“I’ll look forward to it, then,” Atsushi beamed.

“ _ I’ll be over in about half an hour, _ ” Issay said. “ _ Don’t fall asleep before then, _ ” he teased.

“I’ll try,” Atsushi replied. He doubted he would anyway. He already had difficulty sleeping earlier, but now, with the prospect of Issay visiting, that was going to be impossible.

“ _ Ah, could you send me your address? _ ” Issay asked. “ _ I said half an hour but I can’t actually recall where you live. _ ”

That was a lie. Atsushi knew Issay had all his contact information memorised. He realised it when Issay filled in the information sheet for him that one time he played the role of his emergency contact. But Atsushi played along, as usual, and answered, “Sure, I’ll send it over shortly.”

“ _ I’ll see you in a bit, then. _ ”

“I’ll see you in a bit,” Atsushi repeated. He waited for Issay to hang up before dropping the call himself and messaging Issay his address as promised. Redundant, but he did say he would. And now that he had done that… he suddenly wasn’t sure if this was such a good idea after all.

Atsushi set his phone down and took a sip of water. His mouth felt dry after that conversation. Maybe he really did get a bout of anxious nerves from speaking to Issay. But it was pleasant. It was always pleasant. But it made him forget about certain things. Like how it might not be ideal to have Issay over in his home. Much less at this time of the night. And now, he had to wait.

The tension Atsushi felt made him clench his teeth and hug Maru tighter. He could ask Issay  _ not _ to come but… The thought of it made Atsushi feel horrible. He knew that Issay would tell him that he was alright with it, but how disappointed would Issay feel? He didn’t want to hurt the man even if it was over something this trivial.

Atsushi’s phone vibrated. ‘ _ I’m here. _ ’

Atsushi immediately gathered the acquiescent Maru up and got to his feet. As if compelled, he made a beeline for the main door and opened it without a second thought. For a split second, Atsushi caught the unguarded pondering expression on Issay’s face before it shifted into that familiar blinding smile and all at once, Atsushi felt the air leave his lungs.

Atsushi could barely react as his eyes took in the shadows on the older man’s face cast by the nearby streetlamp, accentuating his already-dramatic facial features framed by the cascading waves of his long-dark hair parted to the side. Issay shifted and the glint of a shine immediately drew Atsushi’s eyes to the usual three pendants which lay on the man’s chest, exposed by the man’s tendency to leave the top few buttons of his shirts open. Today, it was a black shirt under one of his usual jackets with-

“Aren’t you going to invite me in, Atsushi-kun?” Issay asked, snapping Atsushi out of his reverie.

“Oh! Sorry, yes, please,” Atsushi held the door open and stepped aside, head bowed in embarrassment as he let Issay in. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, closing the door. “It’s just been so long since…”

“It has been, hasn’t it?” Issay smiled. He didn’t need Atsushi to finish the question.

Atsushi simply smiled back. “Yes. You look well, the same as ever,” he remarked.

“I wish I could say the same of you,” Issay said softly, clasping a hand to Atsushi’s upper arm as his smile turned sympathetic. “But not to worry,” he beamed and rubbed Atsushi’s arm. Raising a plastic bag to eye level, Issay said, “I’ve got the goods.”

Issay’s gestures were an instant mood lifter to Atsushi. “I should take your jacket first,” Atsushi offered.

“Don’t mind me,” Issay dismissed, taking his jacket off and hanging it himself. “I’m sure it’ll be difficult for you while carrying your cat, Atsushi-kun.”

“Oh, I should let him go-”

“No, no, you hold on to him,” Issay said. Approaching while rolling his sleeves up, he stopped right in front of Atsushi and gently scratched Maru’s head. “Mm, this must be the big boy you’ve told me about,” he smiled. “Maru, was it?”

“Yes,” Atsushi beamed, feeling heartened that Issay remembered.

“Isn’t he sweet,” Issay cooed and nuzzled the Scottish Fold. Straightening up, he ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it aside before asking, “And where’s your little lady-”

As if on cue, Kurumi’s distinct meows started up out of nowhere and before he knew it, Kurumi was weaving herself between Issay’s legs. Atsushi felt a slight pang of jealousy. She rarely ever reacted to him like this.

“I guess here you are then,” Issay chuckled. “Kurumi, right?” he asked as he began to crouch down and reach for Kurumi. Before Issay could touch her, though, Kurumi scampered off and disappeared into the house.

Atsushicleared his throat and muttered, “Mm, yes and I wouldn’t worry about her reaction, Issay. That’s normal.”

“Normal for the feisty one who leaves all those little marks on you, right? Atsushi-kun,” Issay teased, recovering from his surprise.

Atsushi nodded with a quiet chuckle before a sudden stab of pain in his stomach wiped the smile off his face, replacing it with a wince. He didn’t want to show Issay it hurt but he couldn’t stop himself from instinctively bending forward. It was slight, but no matter how small the movement, he knew Issay would notice it.

“We better get some water boiling,” Issay said, the mirth slipping out of his voice. “I hope what I brought helps,” he added softly and put a hand on the small of Atsushi’s back, leading him away from the main entrance and back into the living room.

“There is hot water in the thermos,” Atsushi informed breathlessly. He could already feel the pain fading away. “What did you bring?”

“Herbal tea. Chamomile, to be exact,” Issay replied, bringing Atsushi to the sofa. “It’s supposed to aid with sleep and it should be mild enough that it doesn’t upset your stomach,” he went on. “Sit here. I’ll go make you a cup-”

Alarmed by Issay’s words, Atsushi immediately started standing up, protesting, “No, I should do that. I can do that. You’re my guest-”

“But you’re still recovering,” Issay cut in, his eyes resolute as his warm hands firmly sat Atsushi back down. “And I can’t find it in myself to let you serve me tea when you’re not well, Atsushi-kun,” he smiled gently. “So stay here, hug Maru, and I’ll make us both some tea. I know I’m not very adept in the kitchen but I’ve made enough tea in my life to not get this wrong.”

Atsushi reluctantly gave in and sank into the sofa. He considered getting back up to give Issay directions, but Issay clearly knew his way around the house. He was about to move Maru around like Issay suggested, but Maru had other plans. He simply stood up and hopped off Atsushi’s lap. Watching him trot away without a backward glance, Atsushi pursed his lips with a disappointed huff. What was that for?

“Hm? Where’s Maru?” Issay asked, coming back with two steaming hot mugs in his hands. Atsushi could see tags hanging over the sides of the mugs, probably from the tea bags inside. 

“He just left,” Atsushi replied, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “I guess he got bored.”

“Ah, I suppose it can’t be helped then,” Issay smiled. Handing Atsushi a mug, he said, “Careful, it’s hot.”

“Thank you,” Atsushi muttered, feeling a slight rush as their fingers brushed together. Bringing the mug closer, he took a whiff from the beverage. The mild, flowery fragrance struck a familiar chord with him. He might’ve had this before.

Taking a sip, Atsushi glanced over at Issay as the herbal tea warmed up his stomach. The older man was now seated on the opposite end of the couch from Atsushi, quietly enjoying his own mug of tea as he gazed at Atsushi.

“You’re… having chamomile tea as well?” Atsushi asked.

“Of course,” Issay nodded, crossing his legs. “Wouldn’t be nice of me to go ahead and have beer without you, would it, Atsushi-kun?”

Atsushi couldn’t help but laugh, albeit quietly. “You know I wouldn’t mind, Issay.”

“But I would,” Issay replied.

Atsushi could only respond with a smile and a soft chuckle. Of course Issay would mind. He was too nice to do otherwise.

As their laughs faded away, they sank into one of their usual long silences; watching each other consume their tea while from opposite ends of the sofa. It always ended up like this when they came together. And they usually had other people around them making noise to fill in these gaps but tonight, all they had was Atsushi’s wall clock and the blowing and sipping noises when either one of them drank.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it made Atsushi want  _ something _ to happen. Part of him wanted to slide closer to Issay but he wasn’t sure how the man would react. Especially when they were almost never alone whenever they met in recent years. And now that Atsushi thought about it, this… this was nice.

Until a fresh wave of pain hit him. Atsushi let out a shuddering sigh as he felt himself breaking out in cold sweat. He cursed silently. Why now?

“Atsushi-kun? Are you alright?” Issay asked. As expected, he already caught on that Atsushi wasn’t feeling well.

Atsushi merely grunted and nodded, “It’ll pass soon enough.”

“You’re turning pale,” Issay observed with concern. “Do you want to lie down?”

That sounded like a good idea. Nodding, Atsushi leaned to his side and rested his head in Issay’s lap. He wasn’t sure if this was what Issay intended, but he wasn’t getting told to move. And neither was Issay trying to get up. Atsushi half-wondered if he was taking advantage of the situation here. He didn’t want to put Issay in a spot but lying down like this was making him feel better. Not to mention how soothing it felt to have Issay’s warm hand rubbing his upper arm.

“Feel better?” Issay asked gently.

“Mm,” Atsushi nodded. He did feel better but his stomach still made him feel uneasy. Shifting his hand to his abdomen, Atsushi pressed lightly. This should help.

Issay’s hand, too, moved. Leaving Atsushi’s arm, he placed his hand over Atsushi’s and remarked, “Your hand’s cold.”

“Huh?”

Without replying, Issay slipped his hand under Atsushi’s, surprising the younger man. “Better?”

“Yes,” Atsushi managed, feeling embarrassed despite how good this felt. Thank goodness his hair was a little longer now. Atsushi wasn’t sure if he could let himself relax to the point of drowsiness if his hair didn’t block Issay from his view. Although, having Issay apply the pressure for him was so much more comfortable with his warmth. Maru was doing a fine job of it earlier, but perhaps Maru running away wasn’t so bad a thing after all. Especially since Issay was such a willing party.

“Sleep if you feel like it,” Issay suddenly added as if sensing Atsushi’s languor.

“What? But you-”

“Don’t worry about me, Atsushi-kun,” Issay assured, stroking Atsushi’s hair with his other hand. “You need the rest.”

Maybe it was Issay’s assurance, or maybe it was the tea working its magic. Whichever it was, Atsushi found himself actually relaxing enough to start falling asleep on the sofa in Issay’s lap. As his eyelids weighed heavier and heavier, Issay’s soft humming and the faint smell of chamomile flowers in the air gradually coaxed Atsushi’s mind to rest, lulling him until he sank into a deep restful sleep. 

* * *

Issay woke with a start to sunshine streaming in from the windows to his right. He glanced at the wall clock and cursed. He had meant to leave before daybreak, not stay until- 

Hearing footsteps descending the stairs, Issay snapped his head to the noise and made eye contact with… the lady of the house.  _ Shit _ . He swallowed and glanced down at Atsushi, asleep and blissfully unaware of the… complication that has arisen. Issay tried to remove his hand from Atsushi’s person but the man had it clutched in his vice of a grip. _Oh, dear_.

The muscles in Issay’s face twitched as he resisted the urge to grimace. He sucked in a deep breath and let out a long exhale, steeling himself before he looked towards the stairs again. She was still there, standing at the staircase landing as if waiting for something. But when Issay met her eyes once more she… smiled.

Issay managed to give her a wane smile back, concealing his surprise. Seeing his acknowledgement, she gestured at him to wake Atsushi up; he had medication he needed to take. Issay nodded once, agreeing to the task and she, thankfully, went back upstairs.

Issay didn’t quite know what to make of her reaction. She either had no idea what their relationship was, which he honestly believed to be impossible or, she knew it all. Or, maybe, had a fair grasp of it, at least. Issay furrowed his brow and sighed. He didn’t like thinking so hard.

“What’s wrong?”

Issay looked down to see Atsushi’s dark, bleary eyes looking back at him from under his messy mop of hair with parted lips. Even with the faint five o’clock shadow on his face, Atsushi looked so… painfully beautiful.

“Issay?” Atsushi frowned with worry.

“Nothing,” Issay smiled and shook his head. “I was just… thinking.”

“About?”

“How beautiful you look.”

Issay got his desired effect; Atsushi’s shy smile, his attempts to not burst out grinning, his humble denials. Atsushi had never been too good with compliments but his reactions were always lovely to watch.

As Atsushi embarrassment subsided, Issay sighed and muttered, “I’ve had a pleasant night, Atsushi-kun, but I need to go now.”

The disappointment was apparent on Atsushi’s face, as was the resignation. The man was an open book. At least, to Issay.

“Come by again sometime,” Atsushi said softly, reluctantly.

“Sometime,” Issay echoed with a vague nod, knowing full well that this would likely never happen again. “And get yourself better,” he added. “Heal up and we’ll go get that beer together.”

This made Atsushi flash that smile of his again. “Yes,” he agreed.

“C’mon,” Issay urged as he tapped his hand on Atsushi’s. “I can’t go unless you-”

Atsushi suddenly sat up and crashed his lips into Issay’s, initiating a yearning kiss. Issay couldn’t find it in himself to reject Atsushi. But he knew he shouldn’t reciprocate too eagerly either. As much as he wanted to, he shouldn’t encourage Atsushi. He had no desire to put Atsushi in a bigger mess than what Issay could have already wrought with his impulsive phone call. At least for now, he could savour it. Until the inevitable pause came.

Once Atsushi broke the kiss, Issay immediately placed his chin on Atsushi’s shoulder and hugged the younger man tightly. Like this, Issay could prevent Atsushi from surprising him again. 

“Atsushi-kun,” Issay whispered into his ear with a cautious tone. “You’re not drunk.”

“I wish I were,” Atsushi whispered back with a shaky sigh. “It’d be so much easier.”

Issay hummed softly in agreement. He, too, would have an easier time if he were drunk. Fewer thoughts, fewer cares. But as it were, this is the situation he had landed himself in and all he could do was hold Atsushi and let him nuzzle to his heart’s content.

“We’ll see each other again,” Atsushi mumbled as if speaking to himself. “I’ll meet Issay outside and we’ll go have our beers… instead of chamomile tea.”

To that, Issay couldn’t help but chuckle. “Didn’t like it?”

“I did!” Atsushi replied quickly, separating himself from Issay to look at him. “But it isn’t exactly…”

“Alcohol?”

“Exactly,” Atsushi smiled.

Good. He was smiling. Issay doubted he could leave if Atsushi remained down. Smiling back, Issay replied, “I’ll look forward to it, then.”

“Please do,” Atsushi beamed. “Shall I walk you out?” he offered.

“So eager to see me leave?” Issay teased.

Atsushi lost his smile for a moment as he shot Issay a look.  _ Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is _ .

Issay smiled sheepishly and gave Atsushi a quick peck on his forehead. “C’mon, time’s a-wasting,” he said, letting go of Atsushi and standing up. “You can’t miss your magic hour too,” he added.

“My… magic hour?” Atsushi echoed, looking at Issay with confusion on his face.

“I heard you’ve got a medicine schedule to follow, Atsushi-kun,” Issay winked.

Atsushi froze and his eyes grew large.  _ She woke up? _ He mouthed.

Issay nodded and shrugged. “She seemed nice.”

“Huh,” Atsushi nodded, seemingly absent as he walked over to Issay.

“You can call me if anything happens,” Issay assured. “You can even stay with me if the situation calls for it.”

“Ah…” Atsushi let out a lamenting sigh. “Now that Issay has said it, it’ll probably never happen.”

“Goodness, you,” Issay chuckled, shaking his head as he took his coat and put on his shoes. “You know all you need to do is ask, Atsushi-kun.”

“Maybe one day,” Atsushi replied, meeting Issay’s eyes with a wistful smile.

Issay paused for a moment, giving Atsushi a long look before taking a step towards him. He clasped Atsushi’s hand and said, “Take care of yourself. And try not to stress yourself out.”

Atsushi nodded mutely, that longing gaze in his eyes stubbornly unwavering.

“Once you’re given the all-clear to drink-”

“We’ll get our beers,” Atsushi finished. “I hope by year-end…”

“Yes,” Issay agreed. Leaning in, he gave Atsushi a kiss on his cheek, “I’ll be off now, Atsushi-kun. Go take your prescription.”

Atsushi nodded and reluctantly let Issay’s hand go. Stepping forward, he opened the door to let Issay out. But not before stealing one more kiss from him on the lips.

Issay squinted his eyes as he laughed and bade Atsushi goodbye, waving to him briefly before turning and walking away quickly. He knew this was inevitable the moment he asked Atsushi if the man would like him over, but leaving alone and empty-handed still stung. After all, it was never easy leaving Atsushi. And for this reason, Issay made haste. Stalling would only make it worse.

As soon as Issay walked out of the compound, he stuck his hand into his inner jacket pocket and fished out his cigarette case. Those hours were probably the longest period he had gone without a cigarette in a while. Except when he slept, of course. He chose not to smoke while he was inside the house since Atsushi quit some time back. But now that he was out… God, did he need to clear his head with a smoke.


End file.
